Dead
by LexisMom
Summary: Set about 8 months after my story Sacrifice, just after Daniel dies in season 5.


This story is set in the Sacrifice AU and takes place after Daniel's death in season 5. For reference, in the Sacrifice AU timeline, this story is set about 8 months after the story Sacrifice ends. Just a head-up, this one-shot is much darker than I usually write.

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The numbness settled over her as the reality of the situation became impossible to ignore. Daniel Jackson, her friend, her confidant, her brother, was gone. His life snuffed out by an act of courage that had cost him everything.

During such times, it wasn't abnormal for the deceased's family and friends to either break apart or draw closer together in their grief. SG-1, however, had never been normal. While Teal'c had seemed to initially lean on her as he grappled with losing their teammate, he had eventually chosen to grieve alone, content in the knowledge that Daniel's was a meaningful death.

Her commanding officer, on the other hand, had completely withdrawn into himself. Jack had never been particularly adept at dealing with his emotions, but he seemed stubbornly unwilling to even acknowledge his best friend's death, thus not allowing the team to grieve as a whole. Their reactions, or lack thereof, left Sam in a constant state of limbo.

If their relationship as teammates had been just that, then Sam may have been able to find an outlet elsewhere for her grief. As it was, her currently emotionless CO had also become one of her most important people, a cornerstone in her life.

After trying for the fifth time to get Jack to do something other than pretending Daniel was on an extended leave of absence, she'd finally ceased her efforts. His harshly ordered command to "get over it," sliced her heart in two; the last traces of the man she had fallen in love with evaporated as he'd turned and dismissed her without a backwards glance.

In that moment, she'd realized the loss of not just one teammate, but all three. Their patchwork family evaporating despite her frantic attempts to hold them together. Therefore, it was of little surprise she found herself standing here now, at Daniel's empty grave, the last connection she could still physically hold onto.

The cold Colorado rain stung her skin, lashing her in a physical manifestation of what she was experiencing on the inside. Allowing her knees to crumple, she gave in to the weight of carrying the world on her shoulders. The sodden ground protested her collapse by drenching any remaining dry spots she may have retained; her leather jacket no longer able to repel the water as she became soaked to the bone. She registered the sharp sting of the beginnings of frostbite on her exposed skin, but couldn't muster an adequate response to care.

"Carter!" A voice called out angrily, but sounded so far away, her brain dismissed the intrusion.

"Carter?" The voice said again; concern evidently replacing the anger as it grew closer.

"Sam?" Her name, softly spoken by him and a gentle hand against her face had her eyes opening to assess her surroundings.

"Sam, are you alright?" She frowned at the question. Alright wasn't even something she could conceive of right now, yet the instinct to respond had her finally snapping out of the mental foxhole she'd retreated into. Her vision cleared as two distraught brown eyes came into sharp focus.

"Sir?" The word came out as a strangled sob to her own ears. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you," he said easily.

"Why?" She cocked her head, not comprehending why he'd come for her after so forcefully telling her to go away.

"Because I—," he stopped speaking with a shake of his head. "Because I was cruel and it's not okay. You deserved so much better."

"Daniel's dead," she whispered, unsure if she was reminding him or herself.

"I know," he clenched his jaw tightly.

"We were a family," she didn't realize she had any tears left to cry, but they fell nonetheless.

"We still are," Jack drew her into his chest, finally giving her the only thing she'd wanted and needed since this nightmare had begun. Sam let the sobs rack through her body, her fingers curling into the material of his jacket. The physical contact finally grounding her, breaking through the suffocating darkness.

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Jack crushed Sam to him, supporting her as she purged the horrors they'd lived through over the past few days. He knew his own actions had played a huge part in pushing her to this point. His insensitive dismissal of her desire to help him, coupled with heartlessly telling her to get over her need for him to care, had broken her in a way nothing else could. For that alone, he'd never forgive himself.

It had taken him less than five minutes to run after her. He had torn through the base like a madman, ignoring everyone in his mission to find the woman, the one person, he needed to feel alive again. The one person he'd stupidly lashed out at instead of latching onto.

"Daniel may be gone," his voice broke as the dam of tears he'd been fighting finally burst, "but we're still alive. You are still alive."

Only when he felt her body begin to still, her hold on him begin to lesson, did he pull back slightly. "In time, I'll be able to move past Daniel's death," he moved his hands to her face, cupping her icy cheeks with his palms to ensure she was listening. "But the thought of losing you," his breath hitched and he swallowed to clear the lump that was forming. "Losing You is something I'd never get over. Losing you would destroy me."

As her eyes searched his, he dropped all of his carefully guarded defenses, allowing her to see the truth of his words. "Do you understand?"

Sam nodded, closing her eyes as Jack wiped away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs. He smoothed back the hair that had become plastered to the side of her face, watching as she worked to recover control. When her eyes opened again, their blue depths were still grief stricken, but had regained the barest amount of hope.


End file.
